Mens sana in corpore sano

"A healthy mind in a healthy body" - Juvenal

"Run while you have the light of life...run on the path of God's commandments, our hearts overflowing with the inexpressible delight of love." - St Benedict

Well, it's been over a year! When I last wrote anything on this blog, I was - to be frank - both depressed and aimless. I had not done as well in the General Election as I had hoped, and was uncertain where my life was going. I'm pleased to say that now all that has changed. Of course, all life has peaks and troughs, and I'm sure I'll take some more hits before long - but at the moment, I'm at a peak.

In fact, I'm probably at the highest peak I've ever found - and, strangely, it's extraordinarily difficult to write about. It's socially difficult to write about depression or gloom, but not that hard to vent about it in writing once you've made the decision that you want to. Writing about optimism and a 'state of grace', on the other hand, is almost impossible to do without sounding like a naive sap who needs a good dose of real life.

I might have thought exactly that a year ago - but, in fact, it is the experience of real life that is bringing me such joy. Or rather, the specific experience of a balanced intellectual, physical and spiritual life which my enormous good fortune and privilege is currently affording me. I am of course well aware that most people in the world don't have that good fortune. Intellectually, I am in the middle of the Graduate Diploma in Law - the 'law conversion' - which provides more than enough material to stretch anyone's reasoning and memory skills for a year. To be honest though, intellectual engagement has never been my problem. It is the physical and spiritual sides of my life which seem to have blossomed in the last few months.

Physicality

I was once described, during a P.E. class in my early teens, as 'the most physically inept boy' that the teacher had ever seen. Slightly harsh, but a fairly good indication of my own attitude to any kind of physical effort during my school years. It was only during my gap year - which, given I spent months in the middle of the rainforest hacking at things with a machete, carrying food in on my back and hiking every day, couldn't help but get me fit - that I discovered the glorious feeling that being at one with one's own body can bring. Alas, that didn't last very long when I returned....the first year of university will do that to you.

Over the last few years I've dabbled here and there with some forms of physical exercise - a 5K here, a bit of martial arts there - but it's only over the last few months that I have decided to get properly fit again. Ironically, the extreme demands of the GDL have meant that I don't have much time for procrastination - and have therefore meant that my time at the gym or running on the roads serves as a much needed mental break. More than that, though, I've gotten to that stage where the investment in physical fitness - what Stephen Covey calls 'sharpening the saw' - more than repays itself in increased energy and massively improved mood.

If it just had those physiologically and psychological effects, getting properly fit would be excellent in itself. However, it's more than that, for me. It's fitting into my spiritual practice, as well - awakening me to my potential as a human being after many years of believing that 'athlete' is, by definition, a word used about other people. After reading works by a number of authors, specifically George Leonard and George Sheehan, it's become increasingly clear to me that in fact most people have the potential to get in touch with their bodies through exercise - and that this can be an intensely spiritual practice.

Spirituality

My other release from hours of memorising contract law cases and trying to understand state liability in the EU has been lots and lots of meditation. I've been practicing for a decade, but in a very patchy way, and it's been a while since I've sat regularly. Combined with the greater awareness of physical sensation brought on by exercise, and the improvement in mood which is stabilised by regular, calm, sitting, I'm starting to glimpse a little bit of what some of our great poets and writers have understood about the 'holistic' way of life.

In particular, as always, I'm drawn to Robert Lax - and especially what he wrote about the athletic practice of the acrobats with whom he lived during his time writing Circus of the Sun:

Acrobat's Song

Who is it for whom we now perform,
Cavorting on wire:
For whom does the boy
Climbing the ladder
Balance and whirl -
For whom,
Seen or sunseen
In a shield of light?

Seen or unseen
In a shield of light,
At the tent top
Where the rays stream in
Watching the pin-wheel
Turns of the players
Dancing
In light:

Lady,
We are Thy acrobats;
Jugglers;
Tumblers;
Walking on wire,
Dancing on air,
Swinging on the high trapeze:
We are Thy children,
Flying in the air
Of that smile:
Rejoicing in light.

Lady,
We perform before Thee,
Walking a joyous discipline,
A thin thread of courage,
A slim high wire of dependence
Over abysses.

What do we know
Of the way of our walking?
Only this step,
This movement,
Gone as we name it.
Here
At the thin
Rim of the world
We turn for Our Lady,
Who holds us lightly
We leave the wire,
Leave the line,
Vanish
Into light.

....

Indeed, it was after a really excellent recent workout, during a meditation that I decided to do in order to take advantage of the endorphin rush, that I had one of the more meaningful mystical experiences I've ever had. It takes many things to come together for that to happen...and, frankly, I don't have the words to describe it. It was something like this:

"At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and by illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes of our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our mind or the brutalities of our own will...It is like a pure diamond, blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it we would see these billion points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely….I have no program for this seeing. It is only given. But the gate of heaven is everywhere."

- Thomas Merton

Now, don't worry. I've not become a Christian nor a raving lunatic. No more than I was before, in any event. I'm neither going to start putting flowers in what remains of my hair, nor retreat to an ashram. And I still recognise that the world, for the majority of people today, is a difficult, brutal and deeply unfair place. None of that negates the fact, however, that when you get it right - and it's a rare and fleeting event that you do - life can be *wonderful*.

So - more running and meditation for me. And hopefully no irritating people to tears with too much ecstatic burbling....I'm sure my upcoming exams will sort all that out soon enough.

Til I next decide to post something,

All the best. :)